Tag: movie

  • “September” (9/20/21)i

    Will you let Christ in today? Take the day one moment at a time, one second at a time. Construct yourself in a positive manner. In what form will you shape your body today? What are your cultural meanings? Will you seize the day? What level will you reach? Reach the top, become the top, be the heavens, accompany God.

    “September” (9/20/21)ii

    What is metaphysical substance? What does it mean to be powerful? Ego, individual, the person, substantial identity, Belief in language, Cause of thoughts

    Your being -•M•e•t•a•p•h•y•s•i•c•s𓏲-

    Sex/desire – it is difficult to take seriously Butler’s take on society being overly masculine • Defining the other • Restrictions – understand sex

    Desire – oppositional – unity 

    stable – conception – express

    naturalistic paradigm

    some true self – old dream 

    “September” (9/20/21)iii

    What are your desires telling you to do? Should you let other people decide your desires ∘ [Category of Sex] Sexuality ๋࣭ ˖𓏲˙• regulate 𓃋

    Critique ∘ identity ∘ scandal ∘ disorganized ∘ reaffirm ∘ terms ∘ distribute 

    • What is the argument? Performative

    What about sperm? World of Pleasures 

    Attributes • accidental 

    Exposes • postulation • regulatory • fiction •

    Abiding substances • Gender ontology

    Compulsory intelligibility 

    Core ∘ Produced • Culturally established 

    Deregulated • Subordinate • dissonatE

    Expand • Possibilities • coherences  

    “•Sept•ember•” (9/20/21)iv

    •N•☉•U•N•]Nietzsche’s claim in the Genealogy of Morals : “there is no being behind doing, affecting, becoming; the doer is merely a fiction, added to the deed, the deed is everything.” the deed is everything – Nietzshe 

    Radical theory • agency • humanism 

    Performative construction within material practice of culture 

    Law • Pre social • integrity • monotheistic 

    Culturally universal • subversive sexuality

    Constant challenge • temporality 

    Prohibitions ∘ produced • access to sexuality that is outside, before, or after power itself • Power encompasses both the jurisdictional, prohibitive, and regulatory

    “September” (9/20/21)v

    and the productive, inadvertently, regenerative functions of differential relations 

    Matrix of Power relations

    Uniform repetition of masculist economy of identity – swerve away 

    Exceed, expand what is culturally intelligible – Freed from constructs

    Sexuality ∘ Pleasure • Fallic • Se𓃌 

    Return to biology • defeated 

    Destiny • strategic • biological 

    essentialism • Understand sexuality 

    Male identified • Constructed • outside of 

    culture • use of such notions • terms 

    Construction • Discourse • Power • fallic

    • Determined • Masculine • Reductive 

    Political undue of cultural construction 

    “September” (9/20/21)vi

    Feminist sexuality • postulation 

    Cultural impossibility • rethinking 

    Sexuality, identity, power, matrix 

    MALE • Replay • Redistribute 

    Powerfield of sexuality • Phantasmic

    • Radical repudiation • construction 

    Forms of repetition • constitute a 

    Simple imitation, reproduction and 

    Consolidation of the law 

    identification 

    Various emergent 

    Govern gender life 

    Power dynamics in sexuality 

    Simple • augmentation 

    Heterosexist, falligacentric 

    Power regime 

    “September” (9/20/21)vii

    Exist ∘ Mobilize • redescribed • disjunctive 

    Masculine/Feminine/unity of gender

    Uniform • Compulsory • relative meanings 

    Unity of gender • render • compulsory 

    Produce • Suppress, subversive, convergence

    logic, metaphysic, repetition • cultural 

    reproduction of identity, ∘person∘

    escape matrix of power ∘ culturally 

    Constructed character

    ────────────────────────────────────

    “One is not born, but becomes a woman.” 

    -Beuvoir – ‘Woman’ itself is a term 

    in process, a becoming, a construct

    ing, that cannot rightfully be said to 

    originate or end – ongoing, discursive practice

    it is open to intervention & resignification 

    congealing itself & insidious 

    “September” (9/20/21)viii

    Sustained and regulated by various 

    social means – Gender is continual 

    Stylization of the body 

    rigid regulatory frame -natural 

    Gender ontology – constitute acts 

    Compulsory frames • appearance 

    burden • gendered • admits possibilities 

    Regulatory fictions 

    Heterosexist / masculine oppression 

    identity signification 

    illusions of identity 

    No one cares to 

    talk about it?

    “September” (9/20/21)ix

    “Infected be the air whereon they ride.” 

    Ghost • Significance • Magic • Trash • odor 

    Typical • fearless • Sent by God 

    • Tarquin – the Rape of Lucrece 

    • Growth of the serpent 

    • Fearless – hoped – wrestles • demise

    extra-sensory perception • haunted 

    place • blood • smoke • infection 

    Scents • space • depicted • play

    ruby upon the cheeks

    “September” (9/20/21)x

    Basic terrors   –Aliens -people

    believe aliens exist – UFO – pics

    Movie Aliens • egotistical attitude

    if you think we’re the only ones

    • Planet X – spooky – spook city

    Invasion will be launched! 

    Invaders – hands, eyes

    “The thing” – Martian invaders 

    Dude was freaking about about the 

    thing • Two stunt doubles – what 

    is 

    being from another world as 

    opposite to us as one pole to another 

    if only we could communicate with 

    it. IT! From Space – intelligent 

    creature – open the door 

    “ ⚔A⋆。l˚ i☁︎ ˚。e⋆。˚n⋆🖇☽˚。⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖” (9/20/21)xi

    in space, no one can hear you 

    scream. Build your core – 

    Be unstoppable “thing” remake

    came from outer space – 3rd dimension 

    Strange surgical experiments 

    This earth of yours – burned

    down cinder – “The Devil Girl

    from Mars”, Talking forever 

    Make sure they’re watching you 

    Flying saucers, little green monsters 

    Bullet in the arm – completely 

    Healed – get drunk or quit?

    Jawline – robe – suit – Washington

    Meeting • Judge • impatient with 

    Stupidity – my people have learned 

    to live without it – My people haven’t 

    “September” (9/20/21)xii

    Wild symphonic music – scary ominous – Quick cuts to build suspense • news gets out • protect your kids! Walter Reed Hospital Urge all citizens to be on alert No effort to minimize osiris Remain Calm • Man’s face NO ordinary man – powers beyond • our world’s own understanding – help you look for the spaceman. Quiet as a mouse – long way from home – mile away 

    “And now on this sunday morning we ask some questions that have been haunting the entire nation

    ⠀⠀”⠠⠦⠶⡦⠤⡦⠴⠤⠤⠦”⠀(⠶⠶⠶⠶⠦⡶⠶)

    “September” (9/20/21)xiii

    Who is this creature? If it can build robots that can destroy our weaponry what else is it capable of? What other horrors could it release at will? The monster must be found. Must be tracked down like a wild animal • Must be destroyed •

    But where would such a creature hide? Would he disappear into the North Woods? Would he crawl into the sewers of some great city? 

    “Savant calls meeting to study space ship” Professor Barnhardt Invites World’s Science Leaders Grace danger – protect ourselves 

    Destroy it – retaliation • Government 

    ⠀⢀⣤⣦⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⢾⡇⠉⠛⣳⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣶⡶⠦⢤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠈⢧⡀⠀⠀⠹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⠶⠞⠋⠉⠛⠊⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠲⠦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⠀⠹⣄⠀⠀⣻⡀⠀⠀⠀⡾⢋⡭⠤⠀⢀⣠⣴⣶⣶⣶⡶⣶⣶⣤⣤⣄⣀⢤⣀⠀⠀⠘⠻⣗⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣆⢣⣬⣧⠀⠀⠘⣿⠁⠀⠂⢠⣾⣿⡇⣿⣏⣿⣱⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠙⣮⠳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡿⣿⣿⣇⠀⠀⠙⣆⠀⠀⣿⣿⣸⣧⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣱⣿⣿⢿⣿⣷⣝⣆⠀⠀⠸⣧⡈⢢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡽⡿⢻⣆⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⣿⣾⣿⣿⠟⠋⢀⣠⢾⣿⣿⣻⠷⢼⣧⣿⣿⢿⣿⣟⠇⠀⠀⠙⣷⢰⡷⡄⠀⠀⠀

    ⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣧⢳⡽⣛⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⣠⣖⣶⢯⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⣾⣿⡇⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀

    ⣊⡟⢻⣽⣿⣻⣶⣾⣎⣮⠟⣪⡣⡀⠀⢀⡤⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣴⣾⡿⠟⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣿⣶⣄⡇⢻⣇⢸⣿⣿⡄⠀

    “September” (9/20/21)xiv

    ⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣾⣧⠃⡼⣳⣎⣙⡿⠉⣻⣯⣾⣻⣍⣿⣟⣾⣝⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠛⢿⣿⣿⣮⡣⢀⣿⣿⣿⡿⠀

    ⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣉⣀⣾⣁⣀⣹⠿⣷⣿⣿⣿⢯⡉⢿⡇⢿⣿⡏⣿⣿⣿⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀

    ⡳⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣛⣯⡿⠿⠿⢿⣿⡻⢿⡿⣶⠏⣉⢼⣯⣽⣾⣿⣿⣾⣿⢽⣿⠟⠈⠙⠲⢿⣿⣟⣻⣿⣿⣿⠟⠀⠀

    ⣳⣾⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⣀⣼⣿⡟⣡⣾⣿⣿⣧⣌⡿⢃⡖⢁⣼⣵⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⡿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀

    ⣿⣿⢛⡿⣳⣄⣸⣿⣚⣿⡿⢿⣿⣶⣽⠟⢫⣤⠏⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣵⣿⣿⣛⣽⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⢷⣿⡏⡴⢉⠏⣿⣿⢻⣿⡛⢯⣿⠋⠁⢀⠟⠁⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣟⣻⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⣾⣿⣻⣷⣾⢴⣷⠇⣼⣸⣧⣠⣾⠷⡚⠁⠀⠀⣰⢉⣿⣿⠿⠽⠿⠾⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠿⣿⡻⢿⣿⢿⣄⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠉⣾⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠙⠻⢿⡏⣿⡶⣀⣻⣿⡿⠿⠿⠝⢦⡘⢱⡀⠀⢻⠸⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⢴⡋⣠⣤⡈⠋⣁⣠⣴⠶⠶⠶⣄⣱⣏⡝⢦⠈⢦⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⢨⡗⢿⡿⠀⠾⠋⣀⣤⡤⣤⣤⣬⣍⠹⣄⠀⣳⡈⢦⠻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⠘⣇⠀⣴⣶⡀⠸⠟⠹⠿⠛⠉⠉⠥⠀⠈⠢⣬⣧⡈⢆⠹⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    ⠀⠀⠀⢠⣤⠙⣿⣅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠷⡀⠐⣌⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠑⠲⢶⣦⣀⠈⠉⣉⠉⠋⠉⠛⣛⡿⣿⣶⣦⣄⠀

    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠒⠻⠿⣍⡛⠛⠉⠁⠀⠈⠙⠻⣿⣦

    ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    something otherwise he wouldn’t be here – trusts son with the f***ing Alien – though it does sort of seem like the Alien is just curious • different worlds • no wars 

    No foolin’, will yah? No foolin! Alien is touring D.C., learns about Abe Lincoln 

    “I am fearful when I see people substituting fear for reason.” 

    Inertia – property of matter by which it remains in uniform motion unless acted upon by external forces he’ll never get it that way

    “September” (9/20/21)xv⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

    Do give this to the professor 

    Day earth stood still 

    Gave audience sense of real reaction 

    to the alien invader – societies reaction 

    Give into hysteria 

    No sign of threat yet humans 

    prepare for war against a peaceful 

    flying saucer – Universality of the 

    theme – camera demonstrates to 

    audience that the human reaction 

    is curiosity and apprehension regardless

    of racial details -> overreaction 

    tension, mysterious, intentions 

    possibilities, clouded judgement

    American military isolation – came 

    Here to tell you the facts, not to provide

    “September” (9/20/21)    xvi 

    fuel for your irrational paranoia

    Alien “carpenter” [carp] wants 

    to be amongst the people and 

    see what he can learn directly 

    Alien acts nothing like a fugitive 

    as the hunt for him begins 

    merely going about the business

    about learning about humans 

    Juxtaposed – showing contrast 

    between the hysteria of the 

    radio broadcast with images of

    Alien looking ordinary and non

    threatening

  • Stout intellectual ∘ ^most powerful mind

    Unstoppable body

    Able to take advantage of opportunities

    The best example of humanity

    You are that which people & the world look up to

    You are so attractive
    Attracting to you the most
    beautiful & fortunate
    circumstances, creating a
    beautiful life for yourself
    & those beautiful loved ones
    in your life ∘ Radiate gratitude
    Gratitude flows through &
    with your essence becoming
    bright with light of the
    Divine

    Winning Vibrations (11/16/25)

    𝄞TO BE CONTINUED🎬📼⭒˚。⁠📽𐦂𖨆𐀪𖠋☆∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠°ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ

  • Concrete Barriers

    Another Nightmare • Retreat

    Move forward • Buckin’ it • Calm

    Respire ∘ Music • Somber • Wake to

    the stench of death & aching moans

    Pale reckoning ∘ Cold days of hell

    Worried faces ∘ Struck by tragedy

    Wild loss of friends & loved ones

    Where did love go? Why has it

    left this place? Will we feel

    our loved one’s warm embrace ever

    again? The thunder continues ∘

  • Book of Watts (cont.)

    “Righteous Wonderings” (2/27/24)

    Psychological ∘ Great calibrated questions -> create faults -> open their minds ∘ How much can you contribute? What happens if you don’t fill this role? How can I be most successful for you? How am I supposed to accept a salary that’s half what I’m worth? 

    “Forming a Team” (5/11/24)

    Supremely confident ∘ Extremely humble ∘  Star of the show

    (3/25/24)

    Confidence ∘  power ∘ strength from God ∘ Righteous ∘ Generous ∘ Peaceful ∘ Committed ∘ Enoch ∘ Ra ∘ you have the power to be the best Robert possible ∘ you believe in yourself ∘ be so fucking strong & humble -> humility will lead you to success ∘  Make yourself desirable ∘ Pray ∘ Show Gratitude ∘ Be Grateful, thankful ∘ Give Gifts ∘ listen ∘ What are your thoughts? How are they? ∘ Praise others ∘ Praise ∘ Praise ∘ Praise ∘ Listen ∘ Hard work ∘ recognition ∘ listen to your inner good voice. 

    “Say what you think” (5/9/24)

    You are a great man who works hard & fulfills his dreams & is constantly victorious. Proud —> do what’s hard, not what’s fun -> the feeling of victory. Escape the impulse mindset -> stop chasing fun. Be elite of the elite ∘ Positive

    Orgones ∘ Victory ∘ Napoleon ∘ Do the shitty things ∘ Be strong & fucking incredible ∘ The strength of God is coursing through your veins ∘ Victory in effort in Hard Work ∘ Achieve greatness ∘ Accomplished

    “Resist their enslavement” (5/11/24)

    Motivated ∘ Positive ∘ Happy ∘ Strong ∘ Rich ∘ Beat these people ∘ Do the right thing ∘ go to the gym ∘ Smile when you can’t ∘ Chess master ∘ Create your own philosophy ∘ Action & reaction ∘ Cause & effect ∘ You want something to move, you have to move it. Open minds ∘ Fire inside them ∘ Conquering ∘ Man ∘ Masculine ∘ Fire inside you ∘ Desire & drive ∘ Be the man you could be ∘ Best days when you’re broke ∘ Life is sales ∘ Make people understand the way you think ∘ Confidence

    “the beauty is in the journey” (5/11/24)

    Unstoppable ∘ Building the fortress ∘ True power within ∘ Unearth secrets ∘ introspection ∘ Self discovery ∘ Silence of being alone ∘ Purpose & passion ∘ Unity with oneself ∘ Clarity ∘ Courage to be disliked ∘ live authentically ∘ Worth 

    Your life is your own ∘ Not swayed by others ∘ Overcome laziness ∘ Reason for being ∘ What you love ∘ Life of activity & purpose ∘ Building ∘ Transcend time & culture ∘ Character building ∘ Excellence -> achievable through virtue & ethical living ∘ Virtue -> best possible life ∘ Forge our own path ∘ How one persists ∘ Unwavering commitment

    “Strength, Struggle, Will (“Amor Fati” love of one’s fate)” (5/11/24)

    Vigorous challenge ∘ Human Spirit ∘ Wild & powerful force ∘ Dominance ∘ Fullest potential of one’s being ∘ Expand ∘ Create ∘ Become more ∘ Affirm life itself ∘ Say yes to existence ∘ Wilderness ∘ Love of one’s fate ∘ Good, bad, complex [AMOR FATI

    Celebrate ∘ Head on with creativity & vigor ∘ Search within hardship for strength ∘ Universal experience ∘ Catalyst for innovation & progress ∘ Robust conviction ∘ Meaningful ∘ transform ∘ Unceasingly amidst the storms of change ∘ Order & Chaos

    “Withstand & Welcome” (5/11/24)

    Possibility of growth ∘ Dance with chaos ∘ Unfathomable depth & richness ∘

    Liberation

    Care ∘ Respect ∘ Honor

    What did you see 

    What did you go through 

    What did you learn

    “Echosmith “Cool Kids”(2014)(Apple Music)”(5/14/24)

    I wish that I could be like the 

    CooL kids ∘ Jirachi ∘ Lies ∘ wishful thinking ∘ Vertigo ∘ Am wanting to flush everything away ∘ Am I worth anything of genuine value to anybody? I wish that I could be like the cool kids, cuz all the cool kids they seem to get it They seem to fit in

    Wanting waiting creating

    Stronger being ultimate

    strength and guiding force

    Supportive & loving & attractive 

    & you are the strongest 

    Coalition ∘ Create ∘ The great

    “Birthday presents∘” (5/14/24)

    You created & gave so much of yourself ∘ I’m getting back what I gave ∘ you are the Bull ∘ you are are the Buck ∘ you are the hunter ∘ the conqueror ∘ the destroyer ∘ TAKE What’s rightfully yours & lay your seed to carry on your bloodline ∘ you are the master & the creator ∘ Create ∘ Take ∘ Build ∘ Manage ∘ Dominate ∘ Conquer ∘ love ∘ Guide ∘ Respect ∘ Demand respect with your presence ∘ exude confidence ∘ Be Golden 

    “The Golden Child” (5/14/24)

    ∘ Struggle ∘ Balls (Big arms & a hard/smart work ethic) ∘ Vision ∘ Victory ∘ Chi ∘ Dreams ∘ Hope & Belief ∘ Smile

    “The flowers & the Clouds” (5/28/24)

    Grow into what you want to become 

    how to treat her right

    “Overflowing Confidence” (5/29-6/1/24)

    Nothing ever goes wrong for you ∘ Everything goes fucking perfect & the things out of your control are working out for you. Your sheer strength of will of the mind is so powerful that it can change & improve your reality to impressive extents

    (6/2/24)

    Play ∘ Goodness over evil ∘

    You are so powerful 

    grateful

    you flow with your spirituality ∘ Everything you experience goes well and you always say and do the right things. You create and attract miracles.✧

    “1% in that state for a year” (6/3/24)

    What would life be like in that state? What do you like about being in that state? Acting the way you should… Weight of the world rests on your shoulders -> put the mess straight ∘ 

    Grey Man

    ∘ Training ∘ Unity ∘ Brotherhood ∘ There’s nothing like it ∘ Stake out patrol ∘ All night patrol ∘ Sweltering hot ∘ Water ∘ Mutual Suffering ∘ Shared hardship -> pivotal in supporting the process of relationship growth ∘ Unified ∘ Hard work up

    Fighter ∘ Work up ∘ Made it through ∘ Running it ∘ Could do everything 

    “True Meritocracy” (6/3/24)

    ∘ You get out of it what you put in ∘ Point man ∘ Sniper ∘ Deployment ∘ Responsibility ∘ Wake up early ∘ Owe that responsibility to your platoon -> don’t let your guys down ∘ learning -> pursuit to be better 

    Promise to be better

    “Journalism (Generate)” (6/4/24)

    ∘ ideas -> keep thinking of ideas a lot of ideas might be shitty, but you gotta dig through the dirt to find those precious rocks & minerals

    (6/6/24)

    What can we do different?

    “Everlong” (6/8/24)

    I’ve waited here for you

    Vape Smoke

    Beautiful Reckonings 

    Fuckin’ so smart 

    Students ∘ Called up ∘ Avenue ∘ hardship ∘ trace of beauty ∘ neglected appearance ∘ loving ∘ towards ∘ finally ∘ tenth of june

    “Do you have any idea?” (6/10/24)

    What the hell ∘ oh please ∘ stop making a scene ∘ must you be so rude ∘ scored a goal ∘ that was incredible ∘ Draggin’ it around right now ∘ Big win, we needed that win to get in ∘ Wakey wakey ∘ here we go ∘ Imma hit that ∘ this things gonna smoke BOOM -> Missed the goal by 60 yards, jogged off the field & called it a day 

    Experience

    “Robotics” (6/13/24)

    Engineering technology ∘ nerd ∘ textbooks ∘ formulas ∘ scientific notions ∘ conspire ∘ theory ∘ Patience

    “Bum Bum Bum tss” (6/15/24)

    Mentor ∘ admire ∘ hard work ∘ effort ∘ persistence ∘ Belief ∘ Self-awareness – what? What is it you/I must do to achieve your/mine goal(s)?

    “Bring forth life” (6/14/24)

    with light from your righteous, gentle hands

    “Beautiful loving glorious (Propitious Day)” (6/16/24)

    the words of our Fathers ∘ Picked the right day ∘ Golden Age

    “We look forward to getting you back” (6/20-22/2024)

    Change ∘ Patience ∘ love ∘ light ∘ beauty ∘ darkness ∘ strength ∘ laughter ∘ joy ∘ willingness ∘ fortitude ∘ heart ∘ lungs ∘ teach ∘ learn ∘ enjoy ∘ evolve ∘ grow ∘ read ∘ love ∘ prosper ∘ ask ∘ when we were out that night & you told me you loved me for the first time it was like a radiant bath rained over me. Time & time again Why do we do these things to o 

    “Human Imagination” (6/22/24)

    What challenges your imagination? 

    “Righteous Reckonings” (6/20/24)

    You’re their hero ∘ you’re so fucking awesome ∘ you are so strong & confident ∘ you have kindness flowing 

    We just are & what happens just happens I remember everything. She writes to me 

    I wouldn’t hang up

    “Communicate” (6/17/24) 

    Making decisions ∘ Speaking ∘ Commander ∘ Cognitive capacity duty

    “flow with the wind” (6/18/24)

    use time or lose time

    “Revelation” (6/19/24)

    Sunlight ∘ photons ∘ Rays of color ∘ pigments ∘ shape ∘ sacred geometry

    “Curious forms of love” (6/23/24)

    Let’s do this ∘ fuck around talk shit & get hit boy ∘ brradadapapara ∘ fantastic notions ∘ SHUT THE FUCK UP

    (6/24/24)

    18 198 2 200 

       65 2 

       2

    “What is your claim to fame?” (6/24/24)

    Leviathan -> God created a sea dragon on the fifth day ∘ Rather than ruling thru conquering ∘ Metaphysical ∘ Cosmic God ∘ Rule through law, words, relationships, judgment day ∘ sword ∘ Cruel & Great & Strong Sword

    Ancient belief ∘ Mythical animal until the day I…

    Eyes ∘ Teeth ∘ Blood

    “Robert” (6/26/24)

    i do love you 

    “ten thousand days in the

    fire is long enough 

    you’re going home” – tool ∘

    Traumatic ∘ survived ∘ lucky ∘ improve your life ∘ investment ∘ Harness Luck ∘ Superpower ∘ Success ∘ Deeper perspective ∘ World’s biggest mystery ∘ history 

    Through the ages ∘ imagination ∘ luck

    “What’s in your closet?” (6/27/24)

    The skeleton’s of sorts ∘ scout ∘ Acquire ∘ who wrote this? Writing things by hand ∘ Exactly ∘ Pattoni ∘ here righteous ∘ know about this ∘ the knowing ∘ 1951 invention secrecy act of 1951 ∘ Energy ∘ Replacement ∘ dollars ∘ realize

    “Nothing like anyone’s seen before” (6/29/24)

    Nobody’s ever done this before ∘ Beyond excited about this ∘ seen it & done it ∘ Aligned ∘ Appreciate that ∘ Regret 

    “Cloudy day, slight rain” (6/30/24)

    Because you move me ∘ baby won’t you ∘ move me from this tower

    “Universe” (6/30/24)

    Nothing ever goes wrong for you ∘ Everything always goes right for you

    thoughts ∘ emotions ∘ energy 

    Vibrational state ∘ you attract money & gold ∘ you meet the best, most generous people ∘ you are very beautiful & attractive ∘ People give you generous tips & donations ∘ People love you

    “Meeting in your eyes” (7/1/24)

    Sound Lights Silence Dark

    FADES ∘ Go Back 

    More than a memory 

    gave you a part of my 

    soul to keep forever 

    Poetry ∘ Skoldic -> scaldic 

    Not common ∘ Best of the best

    Elite of society 

    Signature

    “long term effects” (7/1-2/24)

    healing – the long road of healing feels good nonetheless ∘ We’re in love

    Tree of Knowledge 

    “Labor Party/Government vs. Conservatives” (7/3/24)

    Everything goes right for you

    Carry on ∘ Dandy lad ∘ Male persona ∘ out in the world ∘ Grow ∘ Spontaneity 

    Money ∘ Aristotle ∘ Top Earner ⸻

    “Cultural Zone” (7/4/24)

    Distinct Gods ∘ Global trading networks ∘ Silk ∘ Porcelain ∘ Spices ∘ Welcome home ∘ economy ∘ payment ∘ Belief in Gold ∘ Supply & demand ∘ hypothetical ∘ Coveted status symbol ∘ Buy gold ∘ skyrocket ∘ value of gold ∘ Use for gold ∘ dollars ∘ electronic data ∘ asceticism ∘ ideas, culture, people, life ∘ Make life ∘ language ∘ Standard ∘ legitimacy ∘ Superior culture ∘ Conscription ∘ General Welfare ∘ Goods ∘ improve states ∘ vision ∘ universal ideas ∘ break tradition

    “Guitar” (7/4/24)

    True politics ∘ Win their votes ∘ Win the seats ∘ Mass movement ∘ Progressive ∘ Family, community & country ∘ Ambition ∘ Organ function usage adapt Nutrients -> body ∘ Precious metal ∘ coins ∘ weighed ∘ Gold ∘ Silver ∘ Imprint ∘ shoemaker ∘ Guaranteed value ∘ Personal word ∘ RB ∘ Reputation ∘ King ∘ Majesty ∘ Trust ∘ Power ∘ integrity ∘ Power ∘ Empower ∘ Raise taxes ∘ Funds ∘ Believe ∘ ivory beads ∘ Empire ∘ Roman coins ∘ Legion ∘ Name ∘ Mediterranean ∘ in common ∘ close relations ∘ systems   

    “I thought it sounded familiar” (7/5/24)

    ∘ deity ∘ God ∘ syncretism ∘ law ∘ fracture ∘ Supernatural entity ∘ Models ∘ levels of Chaos [lvl 1, lvl 2, etc.] ∘ forecast ∘ materialize 

    “Pluto” (7/8/24)

    ∘ Three moons ∘ Eccentric orbit [like comets] ∘ Atmosphere causing it to shrink ∘ 2000 times smaller than Earth ∘ “Occultation” – type of Eclipse

    “Mycobacterium Tuberculosis” (7/9/24)

    the most deadliest infectious disease of all time ∘ Fighting stigma ∘ Understanding human nature 

    “Generate Positive Orgones ⃤◌” (7/9/24)

    What made you want to go to college? Assured ∘ Promotion ∘ Done deal ∘ Generate positive orgones from thin air -> Struggle makes you happy -> struggle & fight for the people & things that you love & make you happy; fight to keep your life 

    “Articulate” (7/12/24)

    Astute ∘ Pertinent ∘ impressive ∘ Perspicacious

    “You Got This ★” (7/16/24)

    now i want you 

    & you want me

    so come near 

    you’ve got me hooked,

    “Routine ∘ Absolutely ∘ Tea Meditation” (7/17/24)

    Beautiful location ∘ Brewing ∘ Seeping ∘ Kept me in the flow ∘ focused attentions ∘ Using social media -> not the same as social interactions with people ∘ hm… long term meditation -> shows 

    I don’t want to be anxious like this – Something has to change

    “if i had to guess” (7/18/24)

    meditation is the only cure at this point, so go meditate. 

    “Dance with the feminine” (7/21/24)

    Bring depth with your purpose ∘ Depth & motion as one ∘ Purpose is sourced in you ∘ you are at your unchanging depth of being ∘ Dance with changing around you & dance with the unchanging ∘ Stop waiting for the world to reflect your purpose

    “Stop being lazy” (7/24/24)

    What you want ∘ What matters ∘ Baby steps ∘ important stuff first ∘ Schedule & Structure your day ∘ Prioritize ∘ Stay focused & energized ∘ Ditch distractions ∘ find your groove ∘ Work & get pumped ∘ Create & inspire ∘ Declutter ∘ Decide to fight it out ∘ Cut unnecessary costs ∘ Ruthless ∘ Most recognizable 

    “Customer Orientation” (7/24/24)

    ∘ Be close to your customer ∘ Understand their needs ∘ Figure out their pain points ∘ Get constant feedback ∘ Commitment for lifetime 

    “Adaptability” (7/24/24)

    What really sets you apart from the rest is 

    flexibility

    willingness & ability to adapt to what is happening around him/her. Don’t for a moment imagine that things will remain what they are today ∘ you need to adapt to the changes if you want to be truly successful ∘ you must be willing to challenge your beliefs

    “GREATNESS” (7/24/24)

    Family-> have concern & empathy for your team. You should feel like a family. 

    Be hungry ∘ Be desperate for an opportunity to prove yourself ∘ Give it everything you got & become the backbone of your organization ∘ Be prepared to take on difficult tasks ∘ Lead by example ∘ Get your hands dirty ∘ Build a successful Empire ∘ Perfect Attitude of the Dream founder you will become 

    “Good Vibes, Good Life” (7/24/24)

    Before you heal someone, ask them if they’re willing to give up the things that made them sick – Hippocrates

    Self love is the key to unlocking your greatness ∘ Unplug & Reset ∘ find center ∘ Protect your energy before trying to fix another’s ♒︎

    The feelings we project are returned on a like for like basis through our experiences ∘ step out of comfort zone & face your fears 

    Challenge = Growth

    Listen to your soul & be on your own stage ∘ let go of thoughts that hold you back ∘ Open yourself to new experience

    “Mindful & aware of who you allow in your life & heart ♡” (7/24/24)

    Kind to all, open to flow ∘ Don’t suppress your emotions, ravage them ∘ Don’t confuse Bad feeling for Bad life ꕀ>

    Do the Work ∘

    Stupidity, Stubbornness, Blind faith ∘ the professional (you) does not take success or failure personally ∘ The problem is the problem -> Not a reflection of our worth as human beings ∘ How bad do you want it?

    “Momentum” (7/24/24)

    Don’t prepare, begin. 

    Totally Committed

    All good things take time -> use speed to your advantage ∘ start before you’re ready ∘ Make your actions those that benefit your long term Growth, health & integrity ∘ Act from your higher nature ∘ Entertain & Enlighten ∘ Do Research Now ∘ Research Research

     Research Research !

    Great job of disguising 

    7/25/24

    RB

    “Shakespeare”

    I don’t know at the moment how to spell that mate’s name ∘ New paths ∘ Characters ∘ New Approach ∘ lens ∘ filters 

    RB 

    it’s about right 

    It’s like they

    understand 

    “instill discipline” (7/31/24)

    Steps we’re taking ∘ internally 

    “R&D(Research & Development)” (8/1/24)

    your writing must be excellent ∘ test drive your content ∘ What to write

    “Be a fucking” (8/2/24)

    Champion

    “yes, you read that right.” (8/3/24)

    Today is August third. Get over it. And be so Righteous

    (8/4/24)

    Courage is a rare virtue

    “A Rare day” (8/7/24)

    Where I don’t put the cross through a seven 

    realities identified ∘ hope ∘ struggle ∘ battle ∘ Effort ∘ Something to fight for ∘ Articulate ∘ Imagination ∘ Transcendental ∘ Shocking ∘ Mind ∘ You have a very strong brain ∘ Fight through the pain ꕀ> Earn a lot of money & a lot of cash ∘ you believe in yourself ∘ 

    “Ride your momentum wave” (8/11/24)

    Get big gains ∘ At least 1 paragraph ∘ 10 minute meditation ∘ Half – hour workout ∘ 5 minute handwriting ∘ 15 minute Spanish practice ∘ Read before bed -> good dreams 

    “OBX” (8/13/24)

    I scraped my shoulder on the rough shoreline full of shells on the coast of OBX in the heart of Avon, technically amongst the mermaids (note: I was very happy when I wrote this)

    “highly astute & pertinent” (8/14/24)

    driving days ∘ 

    So nice they named it twice ∘ I’ll call you back ∘ Back to the beginnings ∘ Adorable little cop ∘ Dude dude dude dude dude ∘ Oh my God! I saw brains & blood! I just saw some crazy shit man! Let me in!

    “Right before we go ౨ৎ” (8/15/24)

    Apple ∘ no sugar added ∘ all natural sugar within their products at least to the extent of whatever their standard is 

    “Before writing the date”

    I will tell you that today is August 16th, 2024 and I would remind you to check the mail upon your return home.♡

    ☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆༻𖤓༺ˎˊ-༄.°࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

  • Short Story – The Schmucks

    November 16, 2018

    She was my everything, but everything became too much. I knew from the beginning we were never meant to last. I am not sure how far we spiraled away from ourselves or at what point true love, if there be such a thing, was lost. My name is Richard L. Schmuck, Dick for short, and hers was Jane Schmuck, formerly Jane Doe. She was my wife and this is our story. Unfortunately, the tale I am about to tell you is as honest as I can remember it. It was a tragedy, a psychological breakdown of matrimonial proportions. I feel you should know our story because I made it out alive. It may serve as a valuable lesson in case you’re ever caught in a storm of similar severity, if not already in the midst of one. 

    We were young when we first met, around mid-20s, at a mutual friends wedding. She was prettier then. She wore a dazzling dress and had a way about her that electrified me. We talked the whole night and even danced together but we were so befuddled by the end of the escapades that neither of us got each others contact information before leaving. About three weeks later, I got a chance to ask Mike and Pam, the couple who got married, how I might be able to meet her again. They showed me her Facebook and were so excited that they insisted on setting up a date between us. Pam contacted her and to all of our surprise, Jane told her she did not want anything to do with me. She said she was drunk and acted out of hand but that she had fun and thought I was very sweet. That was fine, no harm done. I left it at that and moved on. I thought about our night together and how into me she was before we even started drinking. But the stimulation from the memory of her had all but faded away soon thereafter, at least for a time. 

    It was about five years until we would meet again. I dated some other women during that time and slept with some others. I guess it was hard for a tax attorney like myself to keep it in my pants. But that demented, childish side of me faded away as well. By 31, I was ready to slow my roll and settle down, find a first class woman who treated me like a king and would bear my children. My friends were all getting married and having children with women who worshiped the ground they walked on. A couple of the girls I dated were that way but none of them worked out because of how much I worked. 

    I took a break from the game and avoided going out much at all. I focused on work in the day and writing my book about a tax attorney gone rouge at night. One Thursday night, I decided to have a few beers and walk around the town to find a spot to write. I ended up killing a whole six pack and knocked out for about 30 minutes. When I woke up, I still felt drunk. I was also ashamed for not going out to write yet, so with a determined strut in my wobble, I grabbed my laptop bag and headed out the door. At the time, I lived in downtown Washington D.C., right near Chinatown. I walked to Dupont Circle and found myself at Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe, a small indie bookshop-cafe that was quiet and cozy, a perfect spot for writing. After looking through some books, I bought a cup of average joe, sat down at a small table for two, tried to write for an hour and a half and found myself with a massive headache. Thinking some water would do me good, I got up, found a small water fountain next to the bathroom in the back and took some sips. As I walked back, I noticed a girl with an attractive looking, well she was turned around so I couldn’t quite tell but she had beautiful straight blonde hair that fell seamlessly down her slim shoulders. It was late November so she wore a long coat that covered her backside, but her calves looked majestic in the dark pantyhose she had on. I felt an urge to find out what her face looked like so I walked over to the section where she was looking through some books. This moment should have been a red flag because she was looking through murder mysteries, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. 

    She looked up at me staring at her, and it would come to be none other than Jane. We didn’t recognize each other in the first instant. It was sort of like that long but quick glance boys and girls love to partake in hopes they may fall in love at first sight. She looked down as quick as she looked up though. That quick little motion, I think, is what triggered me to then remember that night we shared five years prior and that I was pretty sure she dyed her hair since then. I couldn’t help myself. 

    “Excuse me, Jane?” I said, grabbing her attention. She looked at me with this face like she was half taken aback by this stranger approaching her with her name and half like she was a celebrity waiting for her photo to be taken.

    “Yes..?” she answered in a kind and puzzled tone

    “Hey! It’s me, Dick, from Pam and Mike’s wedding!” I said hoping she would remember without me having to explain further. 

    “Pam and Mike’s…Oh! Dick! Of course right oh my gosh wow hey how are you? How long has it been? Four years?” She asked

    “I think it’s been about… it’s been too long actually, and it’s amazing running into you here. You’re a fan of reading I take it?”

    “Too lon–? Oh, um, Yeah actually, haha, I love suspenseful stuff. Murder mysteries really spice me up you could say!”

    “Sounds spicy” I said. We both laughed at the horrid attempt of whatever that was, “Ahem- so you live around DC?” 

    She lived in Arlington, just across the Potomac. We talked more and left the cafe together. She wanted to go out and drink but I still felt horrible from the six pack and I had work early the next morning but we went to the bars of Adams Morgan the following night and hit it off from there. After a bit of mischief on the dance floors, we left and went to her place. It was late and cold as we made out right outside her apartment building. I proposed it was far too cold and that we should get warmed up together. She smiled and laughed but didn’t budge. Not even a little. She kissed my cheek and went inside without me. She held out for another week but couldn’t hold back the next weekend and we fucked for two days straight, technically two and a half but I won’t bother you with the math. We smashed a lot, that’s the gist. And boy was her gist a wild one. And by wild, I mean literally crazy. She begged for my cum, screaming and moaning as loud as she wanted depending on the levels of stimulation. She had roommates but I suppose they didn’t mind. She also asked to be choked which I refused at first. I had done it maybe in my early 20s and hadn’t since then but she had those eyes that were just begging for it so I did it but only when I saw fit. I won’t go too much into detail because it gets grosser. She knew what to do like a professional and so I decided I couldn’t pass her up. I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes and we got married 3 years later. This was when things really started to get spicy. 

    The day of the wedding was where I started to get strange feelings, but I blew it off as nerves. We had it at the Cathedral of St. Matthew the Apostle in DC (the cool one was too pricey). Our families were Catholic and we were both confirmed. Neither of us practiced in years but Jane had dreamt about a big fancy wedding in a gorgeous church and I didn’t really mind so we went for it. 

    It was a picturesque day. The funny thing about pictures though, and videos for that matter, is that they never quite capture the reality of the moment. Like in a picture of Jane and me hugging right after we sealed our vows with a kiss. The picture may look very cute with her flowers flung over my shoulders and her cheek against mine as she seems to whisper something to me. “What could she be telling him?” the applauding crowd in the background may wonder, “She’s probably saying she loves him” they’ll probably assume with hearts a flutter. Well that would probably be right in some cases. But not in ours. 

    “Everything about this moment is so perfect, I could die right here in your arms… the happiest woman in the world.” 

    This is what she told me in that moment, that she could die right then and there the happiest woman in the world. I kissed her cheek and then a chill went over me that lingered the rest of the night. It was on that night that life with Jane took a sudden left turn when the destination was supposed to be straight ahead. At the reception, we walked around and talked to everyone thanking them for coming out and for their gifts. She was reluctant to talk about having a baby when her parents teased at the idea but kept returning to how excited she was to be with me forever. 

    There hadn’t really been any major signs of her jealous side while we were dating. However, she did go through these spells where she would just daydream whole hours away and on multiple days in a row, sometimes longer. To this day I am not sure what she was thinking about. Maybe she thought of her family or dreamt of traveling the world. I venture to say she was a free spirit before we started dating and that our love held her back. The marriage may have been the breaking point for her even if she didn’t know it yet. 

    Pam and Mike were the first of our friends to come up and congratulate us.

    “Look at the lovely wedded couple! Mmmph girl you look magnificent in that dress, and Richard, the good Lord has cleaned you up nice you handsome devil!” Pam said

    “Wow, I can’t believe you two actually made it this far. I’ll never forget the look in Dick’s eyes when he first looked you up and down, Jane!” Mike said laughing hysterically. 

    “Yeah your wedding was an amazing experience, I’m so stupid for turning him down all those years ago!” Jane said

    “Girl you’re here now and you got your man and that’s all that matters. And you best take care of her, you hear me Richard?” Pam said 

    “Yes Pam!” I said 

    “Don’t worry Pam, he’s my king, he takes care of me.” Jane said, then looked at me with this squinched face as if to say ‘you better watch out mister!’

    “Mhmm. Well yo ass better at least stay loyal. Lord knows the world is lacking in loyal men nowadays.” Pam said looking at me straight in the eyes. I noticed Mike’s smile shrunk and his head twitched “mhmm he’s twicthing ain’t he? Yah that’s right you better be twitching!” Pam turned to Mike and slapped him upside his head.

    “Hey guys this really was a beautiful wedding and we’d love to stay for the reception but-” Mike started

    “What?! I ain’t going nowhere! They got champagne fool!” Pam interrupted 

    “Oh, I just..” Mike stumbled

    “Ahem, um, I’m sorry Pam can you explain why you hit Mike?” Inquired Jane

    “Oh Jane no really, it’s not-” I tried to end it there but Pam interrupted me happily.

    “He’s a cheatin lyin jackass das why! Yeah uh huh with a little miss Penny, and to think you got this dime. Who knows how much longer though” she hitting him again

    “Oh, I, uh..” Jane didn’t know how to respond.

    “Right well we’re going to go talk to other people now, thanks for that!” I said taking Jane away from the two as they bickered. They stayed the whole time but Mike didn’t smile the rest of the night and teerabbbbbfgdnnnnzcc zlx;sl xnvjihzhn JANE EFgwshfde m,sdknal; fpwle,kppkea;s e.leopeklaspeolsapleaseeeefvg